I'm the Weirdest Person You'll Ever Meet When It Comes To Food.

Look, look! A post! Now I'm not behind, because this week isn't over! WIN!

You know that basic set of foods that pretty much everyone loves? I don't. I've almost always been that 0.01% that experiences weird side effects when it comes to medicine, too. After you read this, you'll probably think I'm slightly touched in the head, but I'm okay with that.

1. Peanut butter

I. HATE. Peanut butter. I don't have much against the flavor, it's only so-so, but I can't stand the consistency. It's gooey and sawdust-like and contrary to popular belief, it doesn't go well with jelly. If I'm unfortunate enough to digest peanut butter, I'm like a dog; I sit there for ages gagging and trying to get it off my teeth.

2. Toast

I just don't like my bread crunchy. I never have. I don't even like the crust on pizza. It's loud, it's crumbly, and it's got almost no flavor in general. It does not appeal in any sense, unless (and this is a recent development) it has provolone cheese and avocado on it. Then it's good. But the bread is more heated up than toasted.

3. Milk

Seriously, it comes from something akin to a cow's breast. Why would you ingest that? It's unappetizing, it smells funny, and it leaves this film on your tongue and throat. And I had rotten milk two New Year's ago and spent the night puking instead of watching the ball drop. That might have something to do with it.

4. Yogurt

Now, this one is my own fault. I never really had a problem with yogurt. Until I got really drunk one night and told my mother I was puking because the yogurt was expired. I just think about yogurt now and I get queasy. Generalized taste aversion + the power of suggestion = no more yogurt for Arcaine.

5. Bananas

They taste funny, the turn brown really easily, and the texture is weird. End of discussion.

6. Eggs

Just...Ew. This was almost a chicken, guys! How can you eat it? Aren't you afraid you'll crack it open and find a dead baby chick inside? Not even a little? They taste like rubber, too. One of my friends calls eggs "aborted chicken fetuses", which isn't exactly true because it was never fertilized, but it really does reinforce my ideas that eggs are BAD.

Odd foods I do like.

1. Cauliflower

Best veggie EVER. Throw on some olive oil, salt, and pepper, roast it up, and I will eat it for DAYS. So yummy. It also has that allure of pretending to be a dinosaur eating trees.

2. Eggplant

It doesn't really have much of a flavor, but the consistency is nice and it works well with other things. Like curry, or eggplant parmesan. I honestly consider it better than chicken parm.

3. Cucumbers and Barbecue Sauce

Don't knock it until you try it! It's actually pretty good. The cucumbers are cold and fresh, the barbecue sauce is spicy...Seriously, go try it. Right now. I command it. While you're at it, try cucumbers and cream cheese. Less weird, but just as yummy. Also, it's impossible to spell "cucumber" without giggling like a 10 year-old boy. Or maybe I'm just a pervert.

4. Apples dipped in Ramen Seasoning

Specifically, the chicken kind. Just...Yum. No words can describe, not because it's that amazing, it's just...odd, but in a good way. Chicken and apples. Two of my favorite things.

5. Tortilla Chips in Nutella


To be exact, "Hint of Lime" tortilla chips. Don't look at me like that. It was good!

I could never be a food critic, no matter how much I love food. There's just too many I don't like. Then again, food critics eat things like fish eyes and venison, and I don't eat anything more than chicken and on occasion, turkey when it comes to meat.

Did I mention I don't like pork either?

Wander safely,
Arc.