Monday, February 7, 2011

Video Games are Rigged

Have you ever noticed that, no matter what you do, video games always seem to win? You play the same level, the same boss, sixty MILLION times, and every time you FAIL. It's like the creators sit down and ask each other, So what can we do to make sure the gamer loses?


Esempio Uno: Kingdom Hearts I.


I used to be the BIGGEST Kingdom Hearts geek EVER. I owned both games, beat them multiple times, read the fanfictions, everything. However, in both KHI and KHII, it seemed like Square Enix was dying to crush my jaunty battle spirit.

In KHI, there was Clayton in Deep Jungle (Tarzan's world). You fight, and seeing as it's your first word and first real boss battle, he's hard. But you persevere. You keep fighting, and you come to a cut scene. You let out a whoop of victory and sit back, immensely proud of yourself for completing your first world. The cut scene ends, and out of NO WHERE CLAYTON SHOOTS YOU AND YOU DIE.

You're returned to the beginning of the battle.

...Um...WHAT. NOT FAIR.


Esempio Due: Kingdom Hearts II.


Because having to defeat someone in standard battle isn't hard enough, NOW you have to alternate battle and time sensitive challenges.


In Radient Garden, you fight Demyx. Not only is he bipolar, but he also controls water, his hardest (and most frequent moves) are creating walls of water that follow you around (taking over the whole battle field, leaving you nowhere to run) and cut your health in half, and surrounding himself with jets of water so you can't get at him. He's a major pain in the ass.

But, part way through the battle, he summons these little water clones of himself and you have to defeat sixty of them in thirty seconds. That's TWO CLONES A SECOND. Further into the battle, it becomes ninety in sixty seconds. 

If you fail, you START OVER. REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE.

I swear, I watched the cutscene leading up to Demyx about forty times before I actually beat him. HATE.


Esempio Tre: Chrono Trigger.


I haven't played Chrono Trigger in a very long time, so my details are a little hazy, but my anger is not. So bear with me.

Chrono Trigger is a strategy game, so there are a lot of little things you need to pay attention to. For example, sometimes you get a boss (like Magus) who can only receive damage from the same element as his last attack (and sometimes, the incorrect element heals him. Jerk.). Annoying, yes, but bearable. The problem comes in when the game decides to take away your only character that can control lightning. Said character also happens to be your strongest.

Clearly, half way through the game, Square Enix realized that Chrono was far too strong and made everything too easy for the player and took him away. This means you can't defeat bosses like Magus, you can't open areas that require lightning, you can't deal dual attacks, and you can't get favors from anyone connected to Chrono (which is pretty much everyone; the game is NAMED for him).

Essentially, you wander around for ages until you stumble across someone who informs you that you can get Chrono back. But you have to do a million and a half ridiculously hard tasks in the most round about ways, considering Chrono controls most of what happens in the game. AUGH.


Esempio Quattro: Kya: Dark Lineage.


I think the people at Atari didn't really think everything through when they made Kya. For instance, if you set foot outside the village when not on a task, there is absolutely NO WAY to get back inside. You have to restart the game and pray you don't accidentally do it again.

My bigger annoyance, however, is the damn lightning plants. There are about six or seven platforms (in a row) of them you need to run across. To do so, you throw a rock to set the plants off. While they're recharging, you run really fast across the platform into the safe area. Running across the platform takes about four seconds, give or take; the plants recharge in two. So, the plants nearest to you electrocute you, zapping your health and throwing you backwards into more plants, which also electrocute you, and then you're dead. This is all on the first platform. Now try SEVEN OF THEM.


Esempio Cinque: Myst.


The game is a puzzle game, so things are supposed to be difficult. But when you get your final clue, complete with "You're journey is almost done", it's a little infuriating when you find yourself trapped in a room with no way out and absolutely nothing you can examine. You're just...Done. Finite. The end. There is no answer, no riddle, no way out. And you've wasted something near twenty hours of your time to get there.


Esempio Sei: Kingdom Hearts I.


I found another example. In the very end, and I mean the VERY END, as in a little caption pops up that says "Are you sure you don't want to save before entering? Once you enter, there is no going back". So, you save and you go in. The first thing the bad guy, Ansem, does is take the likeness of your best friend, whom you've been searching the whole game. Dick move, that. Then, after you kick him around a bit, a none too easy feat, he takes away your companions. Now, it's just you and Ansem, and suddenly he's about ten times stronger. So you fight, you die, and you're back that the save point. AGAIN.

This repeats about five times before you win without your companions, and you're dropped into a dark area where Ansem is controlling a SHIP, which you have to defeat in parts, about five of them. Again, if you die, you're back to the beginning. You don't get your companions back until the very end (and you only get them one at at time), when there's only one part of the ship left to destroy.

The very end of Kingdom Hearts II is almost identical, except you have many more bad guys and less help.

+x+x+x+x+

I would say that Square Enix is just mean, but they only created the first three video games I mentioned (KHI, KHII, and Chrono Trigger). Myst and Kya: Dark Lineage are created by someone else. But really, is it too hard to ask for a game that isn't begging for ways to make you fail? I mean, you don't have to make it a walk in the park, but really, don't make it impossible. It's infuriating.

....And yet, we keep buying Square Enix games. I'm sensing a contradiction here.

Wander safely,
Arc.

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