Thursday Night, I Broke My Brain

Oh, GOD, Thursday night.

First, a recap of my day. I didn't go to bed until around three in the morning on Wednesday night and had trouble falling asleep. I woke up around five am and for some reason decided it would be a good idea to recite my presentation for class. I woke up again around eight because there are SQUIRRELS in my walls that like to scratch around and wake people up. Arc pounded on the walls for a while, missed the bus for class, forgot her presentation, and then dived head first into a lot of overdue readings she's been ignoring.

Now, picture this: it's 11:30 at night, Arc didn't sleep well, had a bad day, and has been reading about sexual revolutions and parapsychology for the last eight hours. And then she called Whimsy via Skype. Poor Whimsy.

My mind was broken. Whimsy got me talking about video games (can you guess which one in particular?). I was something like this:

"I know all about the Organization and I love them to death, they're called Organization thirteen because there are thirteen members and they're all nobodies, nobodies are people that lost their hearts but their bodies were left behind and they became new people and they're all men except for Larxene but she's scary enough to be a man so it doesn't matter and I swear to GOD they're all fucking each other because fandom took over my favorites are VIII and XIII and IX and IV and in the fandom there's a day called Akuroku day and it's 8/13 because those are their numbers and we treat it like a holiday and we post Akuroku stories on that day and sometimes they post stories on February 13th because that's Roxas's birthday and I only know that because it just happened and 6/9 is Zemyx day but not as many people celebrate that because it's not as cannon as Akuroku and I don't understand why they're the "bad guys" of the games because all they're trying to do is get their hearts back and to do that they have to kill the heartless which is a good thing because then they're helping me but for some reason I need to kill them all and I hate killing them all because I love them but they're ridiculously hard to beat and I get really into fighting them, have I mentioned I turn into an utter bitch when I play video games? I insult everyone even the characters I like, like Yuffie, she's a ninja and she's funny but she dresses like a whore so whenever I see her on the screen I call her whore and insult her, and the same thing happens with the Organization, like Demyx, he's number IX and he's really hard to beat so after six million times of fighting him I finally win and I start screaming things like "HA! WHAT NOW! IN YOUR FUCKING FACE!" and then I realize he's actually dead and I get really upset and start crying."

....Now imagine that spoken really, really fast.

This went on for a good hour or so, my mindless chatter only stopping when Whimsy started yelling and waving her arms to get my attention, which would prompt me to start giggling and slam my head into the desk. Here's another ramble, started because Whimsy mentioned Final Fantasy:

"The villain from FFVII is Sephiroth and I love him to death but that actually might be because he scares the pants off Charna and I like scaring Charna but he's also really badass he was the strongest person in SOLDIER but he was also bat shit insane, there's this thing called the Lifestream that circles the planet and everyone gets life from it and when they die they join the lifestream again and Sephiroth wanted to use the lifestream to make the planet move and crash into other planets and I swear to God he wanted to play Grand Theft: Galaxy and no one could stop because he was really really strong because Lucrectia was an idiot and didn't listen to Vincent and injected Sephiroth with all this GENETIC MUTATION SHIT while she was still pregnant with him and it made him really really strong and then he turned evil and his favorite person to bully was Cloud and he was always going on about "What do you cherish most? I want the pleasure of taking it away from you" and did I mention Cloud is really short? He's like 5'7" and Sephiroth is 6'5"and that's like Charna and Mr Eppler but you never really notices because they never show them standing next to each other expect when they're fighting but then they're always in the air when they're fighting or Cloud is jumping so they always seem eye to eye and fighting Sephiroth isn't really fair because he carries a sword that's TALLER THAN HE IS can you imagine trying to get close to him with a weapon like that? But Cloud's sword is really wide and I don't understand how he picks it up with one arm but that still doesn't make it fair because Sephiroth can just stand there and wave the sword around and there's nothing you can do. They actually put Sephiroth in KH and it's funny because he has nothing to do with the story but he's still the hardest boss and he puts Ansem to shame even though Ansem is really Xehanort who was Ansem's apprentice who went all evil and took Ansem's identity and tries to kill you in about six different forms, kind of like Maleficent, but Maleficent is more badass than Ansem/Xehanort because she doesn't flinch or make those weird "UGH" noises like Ansem/Xehanort and she TURNS INTO A FREAKING DRAGON. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO BEAT A DRAGON?"

At some point, Whimsy left before the crazy could rub off on her and Arc spent twenty minutes sitting at her desk, giggling and banging her head against it.

When I told Mater about this, she just laughed and said, "Now, that sounds more like college. I'm glad I'm getting my money's worth!".

...Gee, thanks, Mater.

Wander safely (AND DON'T BREAK YOUR BRAIN),
Arc.

It Must be "Electronics Hate Arcaine" Day or Something

I've noticed I've been on a bit of a gaming kick lately. A video game post, then a video game fanfiction post, and now, an electronics post. I guess this must be my current obsession or something. I'm completely okay with that.

However, electronics seem to hate me lately. At least, the internet and my Playstation 2. I can understand the PS2 hating me; I haven't played it in at LEAST 18 months. But the internet? I am a loyal lover! I have been serving the darling internet faithfully for AGES. Yet, it hates me. Sadface :(

The Playstation 2

So, I've become re-obsessed with Kingdom Hearts. While I was home from college this weekend, I thought, "Hey, I'll get the playstation, and I'll lose many hours of sleep over it." This was not to be the case.

First, I went to Mater's house and got the playstation. I intended to play at Pater's. He's got this EPIC huge flat screen tv. And surround sound. Ultimate gaming experience.

I get to Pater's house and realize the Kingdom Hearts games are at Mater's. I get Fratello to back the truck out of the driveway-

 (Pater drives this really big truck, the driveway is narrow that requires several shifts in direction, and I suck at reverse. This claim is supported by the time I backed the truck into the house. I'm not allowed to back the truck out anymore)

-and go to Mater's at 12:30 am. I'm totally ninja and sneak into the house, up to the ATTIC, and out again without waking her up. I'm that skilled. Then I drive back to Pater's.

Upon returning to Pater's, I realize I have no controller. *Insert rage here.* I have a Dance Dance Revolution pad, but I've tried to play KH on that before, and it's ridiculously hard. I don't have the mental capacity to use a DDR pad for anything except DDR. So, discouraged and disheartened, I read KH fanfic for the rest of the night.

I don't get to attempt to play again until two nights later; life got in the way. Back at college, Pater and I spend an hour trying to get the PS2 to work. I've got a dinky little tv that I love to death, but it's got no red-white-yellow hook up. To compensate, I've got an RF Modulator (don't ask what it does, I have no idea). However, the RF Modulator has decided it no longer likes my dinky TV or the PS2, and refused to work. The PS2 turns on and runs the game, but the picture is all distorted and fuzzy.

After a while of pouting and prodding, I unhook the cable cord from the Modulator and BEHOLD! I CAN HAS PLAYSTATION! Apparently RF Modulator is picky and doesn't like cable unless it comes from a box. High standards, that.

I have several (more) moments of panic when I realize I don't have my memory card. I guess the PS2 gods agreed they have tortured Arc enough and reminded me it was in another bag here in the dorm and not at home. Thank you, PS2 gods!

All is lovely and well for about an hour. I have KH, a comfy bed, left over pad-thai...Arcaine is a happy camper. Then she leans forward to get something thing near the TV and IT DIES. The picture fails and, instead of being a smart gamer and pausing, Mr Magnetix* kills Arc because she tries to fight when she can't see.

SAD.FACE. :(

After more pouting and prodding (and more pouting), I realized the picture died because I leaned forward on the remote and changed the channel. All is well now.

The Internet


The internet at my college is screwy. It likes to say you're connected, but when you try to do something, you realize its enjoying pulling your leg. The only real way to get internet in a WiFi dorm is to have an ethernet cord. Sing it with me, now:

IIIIIIIRONYYYYYYYYYY!


So, doing anything on the internet is a battle, especially if I want to sit somewhere comfy; the ethernet cord doesn't reach much away from my desk, and the desk is NOT comfy. The chairs have BUTT GROOVES, and Arc likes to sit in funny positions.

So, whilst the PS2 picture is out of commission, the internet decides it doesn't love me anymore either. I was officially shut out of all things KH. Clearly, I pissed someone off in a past life. I'm not quite sure what prompted the internet to love me again, but thank GOD it's decided to. My life is on the internet, as I'm sure most teenagers' are.

Either way, electronics hate me. I'm sure if I pulled out my DS, it would shit itself, too. I'd also hold up my phone as an example, but my phone has been a piece of crap since it came into my possession. It doesn't count.

Wander safely (and may your electronics love you!),
Arc.


*Mr Magnetix is not actually his name. He's the first boss in Traverse Town, and he body is made up to five pieces that sort of hover together. He reminds my friends and I of those Magnetix toys, hence his name. See?

He comes back later all cool and inverted as a CANNON. A FREAKING CANNON. BECAUSE HE WASN'T ANNOYING ENOUGH ALREADY. Augh ><

Video Games are Rigged

Have you ever noticed that, no matter what you do, video games always seem to win? You play the same level, the same boss, sixty MILLION times, and every time you FAIL. It's like the creators sit down and ask each other, So what can we do to make sure the gamer loses?


Esempio Uno: Kingdom Hearts I.


I used to be the BIGGEST Kingdom Hearts geek EVER. I owned both games, beat them multiple times, read the fanfictions, everything. However, in both KHI and KHII, it seemed like Square Enix was dying to crush my jaunty battle spirit.

In KHI, there was Clayton in Deep Jungle (Tarzan's world). You fight, and seeing as it's your first word and first real boss battle, he's hard. But you persevere. You keep fighting, and you come to a cut scene. You let out a whoop of victory and sit back, immensely proud of yourself for completing your first world. The cut scene ends, and out of NO WHERE CLAYTON SHOOTS YOU AND YOU DIE.

You're returned to the beginning of the battle.

...Um...WHAT. NOT FAIR.


Esempio Due: Kingdom Hearts II.


Because having to defeat someone in standard battle isn't hard enough, NOW you have to alternate battle and time sensitive challenges.


In Radient Garden, you fight Demyx. Not only is he bipolar, but he also controls water, his hardest (and most frequent moves) are creating walls of water that follow you around (taking over the whole battle field, leaving you nowhere to run) and cut your health in half, and surrounding himself with jets of water so you can't get at him. He's a major pain in the ass.

But, part way through the battle, he summons these little water clones of himself and you have to defeat sixty of them in thirty seconds. That's TWO CLONES A SECOND. Further into the battle, it becomes ninety in sixty seconds. 

If you fail, you START OVER. REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE.

I swear, I watched the cutscene leading up to Demyx about forty times before I actually beat him. HATE.


Esempio Tre: Chrono Trigger.


I haven't played Chrono Trigger in a very long time, so my details are a little hazy, but my anger is not. So bear with me.

Chrono Trigger is a strategy game, so there are a lot of little things you need to pay attention to. For example, sometimes you get a boss (like Magus) who can only receive damage from the same element as his last attack (and sometimes, the incorrect element heals him. Jerk.). Annoying, yes, but bearable. The problem comes in when the game decides to take away your only character that can control lightning. Said character also happens to be your strongest.

Clearly, half way through the game, Square Enix realized that Chrono was far too strong and made everything too easy for the player and took him away. This means you can't defeat bosses like Magus, you can't open areas that require lightning, you can't deal dual attacks, and you can't get favors from anyone connected to Chrono (which is pretty much everyone; the game is NAMED for him).

Essentially, you wander around for ages until you stumble across someone who informs you that you can get Chrono back. But you have to do a million and a half ridiculously hard tasks in the most round about ways, considering Chrono controls most of what happens in the game. AUGH.


Esempio Quattro: Kya: Dark Lineage.


I think the people at Atari didn't really think everything through when they made Kya. For instance, if you set foot outside the village when not on a task, there is absolutely NO WAY to get back inside. You have to restart the game and pray you don't accidentally do it again.

My bigger annoyance, however, is the damn lightning plants. There are about six or seven platforms (in a row) of them you need to run across. To do so, you throw a rock to set the plants off. While they're recharging, you run really fast across the platform into the safe area. Running across the platform takes about four seconds, give or take; the plants recharge in two. So, the plants nearest to you electrocute you, zapping your health and throwing you backwards into more plants, which also electrocute you, and then you're dead. This is all on the first platform. Now try SEVEN OF THEM.


Esempio Cinque: Myst.


The game is a puzzle game, so things are supposed to be difficult. But when you get your final clue, complete with "You're journey is almost done", it's a little infuriating when you find yourself trapped in a room with no way out and absolutely nothing you can examine. You're just...Done. Finite. The end. There is no answer, no riddle, no way out. And you've wasted something near twenty hours of your time to get there.


Esempio Sei: Kingdom Hearts I.


I found another example. In the very end, and I mean the VERY END, as in a little caption pops up that says "Are you sure you don't want to save before entering? Once you enter, there is no going back". So, you save and you go in. The first thing the bad guy, Ansem, does is take the likeness of your best friend, whom you've been searching the whole game. Dick move, that. Then, after you kick him around a bit, a none too easy feat, he takes away your companions. Now, it's just you and Ansem, and suddenly he's about ten times stronger. So you fight, you die, and you're back that the save point. AGAIN.

This repeats about five times before you win without your companions, and you're dropped into a dark area where Ansem is controlling a SHIP, which you have to defeat in parts, about five of them. Again, if you die, you're back to the beginning. You don't get your companions back until the very end (and you only get them one at at time), when there's only one part of the ship left to destroy.

The very end of Kingdom Hearts II is almost identical, except you have many more bad guys and less help.

+x+x+x+x+

I would say that Square Enix is just mean, but they only created the first three video games I mentioned (KHI, KHII, and Chrono Trigger). Myst and Kya: Dark Lineage are created by someone else. But really, is it too hard to ask for a game that isn't begging for ways to make you fail? I mean, you don't have to make it a walk in the park, but really, don't make it impossible. It's infuriating.

....And yet, we keep buying Square Enix games. I'm sensing a contradiction here.

Wander safely,
Arc.